A Ripping Good Time

Having joined the chorus in September here we are in January with La Traviata starring the AMAZING Diana Soviero (thus begins a life-long crush on this diva) and I am standing with my party date, listening to the overture and waiting for the curtain to go up. We are front and centre. The staging for tenor Tonio di Paolo (another great singer - I was spoiled back in the day) involves him watching Violetta during the opening strains and then darting through the curtain just before the beginning of the party. As he is trying desperately to find the centre opening through the masses of fabric he accidentally knocks my girl’s Champagne glass out of her hand and it crashes to the floor. Ever the wanna-be hero I quickly kneel down to pick up the pieces - a little TOO quickly, as it turns out. I hear a massive ripping sound and discover I have opened up the seat of my pants from zipper to waistband. This kind of a tear gives you a sense of freedom on stage you never dreamed possible as the air rushes over your exposed buttocks. Wait - there’s more. In gathering the shards and putting them in my own glass for safety I manage to cut my hand severely. Then the curtain flies out. I spend the entire scene smiling and laughing with my partner as blood pours down my hand into the sleeve of my tail coat and I try desperately to avoid giving the audience a show they neither paid for nor want.